Picture this, the year is 1997- a group of young Spanish guys spill out onto the Valencian streets buzzing and fist-bumping the sky, the glowing marquee lights of El Cine illuminating their post-film adrenalin fuelled high jinks…
“Amigo, eso fue tan loco!”
“Sí bro, y Sandra Bullock está muy caliente”. They high five and begin to play fight providing their own explosion filled soundtrack. Towards the back of the group a quiet, wallflower type lags behind, not so thrilled by what they had just watched.
“pero no era creíble!” It doesn’t make sense! “Atrapado en un barco de exceso de velocidad?!” Trapped on an out of control speeding ship!? The wallflower protests, somewhat of a cinema connoisseur. The others turn to him, shocked.
With an air of mocking the leader of the group turns to the critic “Lo siento, friki, ¿dónde preferirías que ser atrapado? un piano?!” Sorry, GEEK, where would you rather they be trapped, a grand piano!?
The group burst out laughing and continue to play fight in rapture of Sandra Bullock’s permanently wet t shirt. The wallflower grows increasingly quiet… Trapped at a Grand Piano eh?
That young wallflower is a 20 year old Eugenio Mira
That story may or may not be true. Nor may have it been the inception of the idea behind GRAND PIANO, but I like to think it is- if anything just to justify the existence of the Titanic sized pile of sloth poop that was SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL (high five if you got my reference from the get go). You see, GRAND PIANO shares the primary idea behind that film, and others of its ilk (see SPEED, CELLULAR, PHONE BOOTH etc etc): hero trapped in some absurdist scenario by a megalomaniacal evil genius and bound for imminent disaster were they not to use their own genius skills to escape. Luckily for what it shares with SPEED 2, GRAND PIANO is not a Titanic sized pile of sloth shit.
The low down is as follows; young prodigal pianist Tom Selznick (played by Elijah Wood) is booked out of early retirement to play a one-off hot-ticket classical concert to honor his late mentor. Racked with pressure, Tom is sure he will bum up a note or two- and inevitably freeze like he did the night that forced his early retirement. Only this time, stage fright becomes stage plight as Tom learns once he sits down at the keys that a mysterious omnipresent figure is in the audience and intent on making sure he plays not one bum note. So intent on musical perfection, that he has a sniper rifle trained on both the increasingly panicked musician and his doting wife should any note be played wrong. See? Suddenly a speed-locked cruise liner doesn’t seem so absurd.
Yet for all said absurdities and eye rolling plot points, GRAND PIANO is an expertly crafted thriller that is taught as… well, a piano wire. Once that primary scenario is set up as described, the script deviates very little yet still manages to add constant twists and threats to the barrelling run time. Its schlocky and pulpy, yet is so fully aware of that and uncaring, that all but the most pragmatic of viewers can’t help but be caught up in the piece. As such, while still remarkably pulse pounding, the injection of self awareness and black humour make this a little more Billy Joel than Stravinsky, rounding off the harsher edges of a sniper-in-an-auditorium thriller that could otherwise have been resoundingly uncomfortable in the wake of the Dark Knight Rises cinema shootings.
Quite most remarkable is how simplistic Mira keeps the film. In a scenario as is, the sky is really the oyster, yet Mira trains the focus almost exclusively on Selznick’s performance and inner monologue. It’s restrained and honed towards the ultimate struggle of the hero: play perfectly and save your damsel.
Having equally as much fun as the script and audience, but a whole lot less restrained, is the frenetic and ADHD camera gymnastics; which nary ever presents a shot as we’re used to seeing it. Be it through constantly acrobatic crane shots, Wood’s carefully framed reflection in the eyes of his own adversary the piano, a devilishly clever split screen reveal that would make De Palma proud or a Honey-I-Shrunk-The-Kids journey through the very inner workings of the instrument. It’s almost not since hey-day Argento has the camera been so excited to shoot a confined space. Cinematographe Unax Mendia is a talent to behold and a future force to be reckoned with.
Similar applauds should go to GRAND PIANO’s almost entirely original score, which- carrying the on screen promise of ‘most difficult and unplayable piano piece in history’- suitably holds up to the enthralling and maestro superlative. It’s is a bombastic full-orchestra cacophony that holds the film’s pace and tension perfectly; and at times is so remarkably tied into the action on screen, it seems almost organic. The most perfect example of this synthesis, and taking the biscuit for my favourite cut in the flick is the crescendo of a murder scene in which the slitting of a characters throat with a broken shard of mirror is smash cut with the drawing of a bow across a cello, which in turn crescendos the score cue to the scene- culminating in an entirely bloodless but nonetheless visceral edit that would have Hitchcock in standing ovation.
All of GRAND PIANO’s players too are on point and in tune, working well as ensemble; always wonderful to see Dee Wallace on screen. With my only gripe being the big reveal of the villains identity slightly scuppered by both its big star actor portrayal and said actor featuring prominently in the opening credits. Elijah Wood turns in a pleasing and empathic lead and once again displays his love and respect for the genre. Between this, MANIAC, and the upcoming OPEN WINDOWS and COOTIES, I think we have ourselves a Scream King on our hands, horror fans- Jamie Lee Curtis can step aside.
With this his English language directorial debut, Eugenio Mira brings Bach, with orchestral delight, the sumptuous golden age of grandiose theatrical thrillers. Slick, assured and remarkably fast paced, the film is entirely better than it deserves to be from it’s high concept laurels and is a real, true, old fashioned crowd pleaser. So virtuoso in its arrangements, GRAND PIANO quite simply makes most other thrillers released this year sound like Chopsticks.
8 Blackberry product placements / 10 wait-is that Bill from Bill & Ted?!
And that’s my two cents.
MyTwoCentsFilm 